When Work Feels Like War: The Truth About Workplace Conflict

By Nwakwesi Milash

Years ago, I consulted for a company where tension buzzed louder than the office generator.

On paper, they had everything figured out; defined roles, team leads, regular check-ins, and even Friday lunch bonding. But underneath the polished structure was a boiling pot no one wanted to open.

It started subtly:

Two department heads constantly disagreed in meetings.

One team felt overworked while another blamed them for poor results.

And then came the silence.

No collaboration. No communication. Just emails, reports, and quiet resentment.

The Fight That Wasn’t on the Calendar

I remember being invited to observe a meeting. Ten minutes in, I could feel the air tighten.

There was no shouting, no open disagreement; just clipped tones, forced politeness, and a lingering bitterness that said, “We’ve been here before, and nothing changed.”

After the meeting, a junior staff quietly pulled me aside and whispered, “We’re all just surviving. No one wants to be caught in the crossfire.”

That hit hard.

Because workplace conflict is not always dramatic. It’s often passive, silent, and deeply damaging.

The Cost of Unresolved Conflict

Most leaders underestimate how much conflict costs them. It’s not just about raised voices or HR reports. It’s about:

▪️Projects delayed because people don’t talk

▪️Emails ignored because egos are bruised

▪️Talented employees resigning because of tension, not tasks

At one organization I worked with, unresolved tension between two top managers led to a breakdown in interdepartmental communication. What should’ve taken 2 weeks to execute dragged on for 3 months, simply because no one wanted to “deal with that person.”

The result? Lost revenue, missed deadlines, and a frustrated team stuck in the middle.

The Real Root? Not Personality. Power.

People often say, “It’s just a personality clash.”

But in my experience, most workplace conflicts stem from:

▪️Unclear expectations

▪️Unspoken assumptions

▪️Unresolved power struggles

▪️Poor communication flow

▪️Lack of psychological safety

People don’t just clash; they react to systems that force them to guess, defend, or compete.

What I Learned From Mediating High-Stake Conflicts

I once facilitated a conflict resolution session between a marketing lead and a sales director who hadn’t spoken directly in months. Everything went through email or their assistants.

Both came in with arms folded, ready to “just get it over with.” But 20 minutes into the session, something shifted.

It wasn’t the apology that mattered; it was the moment they both realized:

▪️“We’re on the same side. We just forgot how to communicate.”

▪️Conflict doesn’t mean something is broken.

▪️Sometimes, it means something finally needs attention.

What changed? 

We don’t wait until it explodes. We’ve built a culture of:

Clarity: Defined roles, responsibilities, and reporting lines

Open Dialogue: Regular feedback loops and pulse checks

Conflict Pathways: Tools and trained leads who can mediate early

Emotional Safety: Creating a space where disagreement doesn’t feel like disloyalty

Because healthy conflict is not the problem; ignored conflict is.

Dear Leaders, Here's What You Can Do Now

▪️Normalize Feedback, Not Fear

▪️Teams should feel safe expressing concerns without being labelled “difficult.”

▪️Train Managers to Mediate, Not Escalate

▪️Most conflict spirals because no one knows how to manage it—only how to report it.

▪️Address Systems, Not Just Symptoms

▪️Look beyond the disagreement. What’s fueling it? Insecurity? Ambiguity? Pressure?

Bring in a Neutral Eye

Sometimes, it takes an outsider like myself to see what your team is too exhausted to say.

Conflict Doesn’t Mean Your Team Is Broken; It Means They’re Human

Every great team will experience friction. But how you handle it determines whether that friction creates fire or burns everything down.

Don’t avoid conflict. Confront it with courage, structure, and empathy.

That’s how real leadership is built.

Want to transform the tension in your team into alignment and performance? Let's start with a Workplace Conflict Audit tailored to your organization.